Dungeons

Adrian shook. From the cold, the pain, how upset he was, how tense he became when Kieran put his arms around him.... He didn't know which one it was, unless it was because of all three. For the first time since he woke up he didn't think about the pain, his wounds or how much he wanted to end his life. Did he trust his older brother? It seemed like he was there for hours, clinging to Kieran and taking comfort from the warmth he provided. His brain sluggishly going over the question again and again. He felt himself nodding before he had completely decided on his answer.

"How can you help me with this?" Adrian asked, his voice filled with desperation, seeking answers when his mind only provided him with dead ends. He was lost in an ocean of helplessness, hopelessness, and worthlessness. And he was scared of drowning in it. Of shutting down completely and retreating into the far corners of his mind while what was left of his body wasted away to nothing. "I'm never going to be free from this, I'll always be reminded of this." He frowned, shaking his head. No, he wouldn't have wanted this to happen to Kieran.....maybe Alice instead, but not Kieran. Draeyva? Great power and strength? Maybe he was the one that wasn't related to his siblings. He didn't have those. He felt like a wailing dependent infant. "I don't have those....I can't do this Kieran."

Adrian flinched at his brother's growl. He begun to panic when Kieran started to pull away, but then he was the one that wanted to pull away after his graze briefly met his brothers. He shut his eye tightly and pushed away, retreating once more. Drawing his leg up, he hugged it tightly, resting his chin on his knee. He kept the stump hidden under the blanket, still refusing to look at it. "You think you know me so well? You're the one that puts too much faith in me. I'm a weak wreck, Kieran. You don't know what it's like in my head. The confusion, never feeling like myself....I didn't plan on staying alive until my next birthday and this only gives me a better reason to go through with it." He had never admitted this much to anyone. Not even his brother. In the ups and downs of not knowing whether or not he really liked Kieran or hated him, he couldn't make up his mind and he never said anything. It almost felt like a relief. Admitting his plans. Of finally not having to deal with feeling like he was being torn inside by opposite emotions.

Adrian snorted, rolling his eye, shaking his head slowly. "You think I can get revenge like this? He's more likely to eat the rest of me....I don't care about getting revenge. It wouldn't change anything." He glanced in Kieran's direction, careful not to look anywhere near the empty eye socket, before he rested his head against the wall. He was so tired. It would be nice to fall asleep and not awake up again. "I'll make sure you don't get blamed for it." It was the least thing he could do after Kieran got blamed for the deaths of their parents.

Adrian frowned watching Kieran leave and go to another part of the cage. He gripped his head in his hands. The whirlwind of emotions was getting overwhelming. Worthlessness still lingered, as well as thoughts of death. He was tired, but he wasn't. He tired to focused on what to say next, but he couldn't form a proper sentence in his mind. At this point his building anger and irritability were the only things he knew for certain. "You care too much," he growled, "That's why you're feeling like that. I didn't want to say that..." He clenched his teeth, rubbing his eye. Why had he said he was going to kill himself? Wouldn't that just help Kieran stop him? Why didn't he keep his fucking mouth shut? "You don't care how I feel about this. You just want me not to give up." He didn't notice how he said Kieran cared too much one moment and barely cared the next. Adrian glanced at Kieran. He was tired of being out of control like this, and he didn't know how to stop it. It's been the worst it's every been all week. He'd open his mouth and say things he didn't mean to say. Crawling after his brother he sat down beside him, covering them both with the blanket awkwardly. Hesitantly, he wrapped his arms around Kieran's arm, and rested his head on his brother's shoulder. He didn't like being alone in his corner. "I'm sorry...I don't know what to do. I've tried to do this on my own, but it's getting worse and I'm scared... I don't have control over what I say or act sometimes so I do other things instead. But now...this is just another thing that's happened and it's even worse." Maybe he was still saying things he didn't want to share with anyone else, or maybe this was his way of asking for help. He didn't want to hurt Kieran if he could help it. Either way he was tired; emotionally, physcially and mentally. He couldn't cry anymore, and he sounded emotionless. However he meant what he said. "I'm so scared," he mumbled into Kieran's shoulder.

"I thought that's what I had to do.... It never seemed like the right time to talk about it, so I didn't." Adrian moved closer to Kieran, laying his head down on his chest again. The sound of his brother's beating heart comforted him some. He gripped his brother's shirt tightly, as tightly as he could in his weakened state. Even though he had known Kieran had always loved him he didn't truly feel it as much as he did now. Though he hadn't been very close to their father, the King had still been his only living parent and though he hadn't been a very affectionate parent he still felt the loss of their father. Adrian didn't think he had been hugged and told he could depend on someone else in a long time....not since their mother. "Thank you." But now.... he feared he'd lose his brother too. Hearing Kieran's heart and holding his shirt proved his brother was there with him and not a trick his mind was playing. How long would that last though? He shut his eyes tightly, not voicing his fears and he tried to fall asleep.