The Fat Duck

"How about this then," he said, leaning back and stabbing his hunk of pheasant in the side. "Let's ask each other questions, but they can't be about personal history or work. Well... ok, maybe about work. But no asking for trade secrets or info that isn't our business. How's that sound?"

"Some things are kind of personal and work related," he said, teasing slightly. "But um... well, lots of different things. Your question was a little vague, so I'm not quite sure what you mean by that." He chewed on a bite of his food slowly.

He thought for a moment, stabbing the side salad that came with his meal. "Let's see..." He made a slight, 'hmm' sound too. "Oh! Once, I was hired to investigate for a very wealthy were. Some really pompous, fat guy in Elector with double chins and literally no hair. It was really creepy. Like, literally no hair. No eyelashes, eyebrows, or hair or fine hairs on his hands... nothing. Well, anyway, he hired me to investigate if his wife was cheating on him. I said I don't do that kind of stuff. It gets really messy and full of stupid drama, ya know. Anyway, he immediately blurts out, 'I'll pay you sixty!" Which, I thought he meant just sixty bucks, but he meant sixty grand." He scoffed. "No way I was gonna pass that up, so I took the job. I didn't know much about private investigating, but I worked as a bodyguard for a psychotic stalker once, so I had a basic idea on how to follow people. I followed his wife for a month. She was gorgeous." He smiled nervously. "Kind of made me wonder what she saw in him, and then of course I thought 'No wonder she's cheating on him.' But I guess looks aren't everything. Turns out, I got in on her phone conversations by tapping them, and she kept making calls to an unknown number. They were really ambiguous, and I didn't pay too much attention to them as they were mostly long and droll. But then she said she'd meet the guy at a motel. That's all I really heard. Otherwise I might have picked up on other clues sooner. I got the address and followed her to the motel. I saw other cars there, so I figured the other guy must already be waiting for her at their room. I waited in my car for a few hours, then went into the room I saw her go in. Surprise! She was sleeping with her husband. I thought that was weird. Why were they meeting here? The guy was mad at me, and at first I thought because I blew my cover, but he actually didn't remember me. I thought, 'that's weird', so I told him that he hired me. He didn't remember hiring me, and he kept saying how he didn't care that she was married and it was true love and stuff. Then the wife interjects and, would you believe it, the guy has multiple personality disorder! His other personality had been the one who was aware he married her, and he had these suspicions his wife was cheating on him because she kept sleeping with his other personality." He had gotten rather excited and a little animated as he told the story. No he was laughing. "Pretty strange, huh?"

He calmed down and coughed. "I think my exact words were 'I'll collect my paycheck in the morning,' and left the room. Next day I told him he was sleeping with his own wife and they should have a heart to heart. Haven't heard from him since, but he gave me good money." He seemed particularily pleased with the whole thing.

"So tell me one you've had," he said. "Or... something else that happened that was interesting." Either or, he wasn't picky. He didn't necessarily like to be entertained constantly, but a good story here and there wasn't something he would pass up if he could help it. He took a drink and gave her his full attention.

"Oo, a scary story," he said, grinning. "Too bad we don't have a campfire and some dark scary woods to tell it in, hmm? But I suppose bawdy drinking songs int eh background will have to suffice for now."

"I think so," he said. "I believe I was in Aciapoli at the time, but my friend emailed me just the gist of it." He paused. "Were you actually there?"